Turmoil

 

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Twisted thoughts ravage the inner landscape of my mind and appear like gnarly old trees along the banks of a raging river. Tendrils of emotion fall like raindrops collected on the forest canopy cascading downward with gravitys pull. Icy cold roots reach deep into the earth searching for warmth in the form of peace.

This sensation of this turmoil is pure confusion, a lost and wandering mind caught up in a moment of uncertainty. The future looks bright and the past has already passed yet the now of here that is spins between them. A figure 8 of sorts weaving a web as it occilates around the center of okay then back to good and then to bad. Understanding, comprehending or even explaining the waves of inner disconnect seem futile. What have I done to find myself feeling this way?

Nothing is that bad yet my eyes are suddenly puffy and red. My purple shirt has wet salty droplets as I gaze out the sheer curtains at the pastel sky from the sun setting. Soon the moon will rise and the night will sparkle above with stars and below with frosty ice crystals. The day will fade away and the sun will rise again tomorrow with a new day- of this I am certain and find comfort in this. Yet I am still disconcerted with what has caused my inner world to become so turbulent and can’t help but wonder how long it will last.

Maybe I just need some more sleep or does it have something to do with all those vivid dreams I had last night? Maybe I just need some more food after having eaten a lot yesterday and not enough today? Or maybe it’s just something so simple it’s silly I haven’t figured it out yet? Maybe I just have to change my mind and the rest will follow. Life is good… really good, I’m so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. The future holds so much potential it’s truly beautiful to imagine. Maybe this emotional disturbance is the final letting go of the last bit of whatever I was holding on to from the past, the final goodbye to what was? I can only hope.

Moving on…

Pure Love

Purely

The only constant is change. Even though it can be hard to let go sometimes, with change comes opportunity and even the ability to start over. We can recreate ourselves in each moment if we choose to do so just by shifting our awareness. When we pay attention to our inner world, to our instincts and take action based on the truth we feel in our hearts absolutely anything is possible. My eyes have been opened, my mind has been set free from what I used to believe and my heart is bursting with love. I am finally listening to the wisdom that resides in the depths of my being. The universe is incredibly accommodating in showing us signs to confirm our inner knowing when we are open to its potential. I’m am eternally grateful to have discovered this amazing reality. “You have to believe it to see it.”

The symbolism of this beautiful bouquet of flowers I recently received is just another confirmation of what my heart already knows. The color white suggests purity, innocence and  new beginnings while the cleansing, healing power of white is limitless. We each have the chance to start over with a blank canvas and can choose paint a new picture of our ourselves and how we want to see the world. I hit the reset button on my life and my canvas was blank only short time ago. Yet already I have started to create the most beautiful life I had never dreamed was truly an option. Listening to my heart has opened my mind and increased my awareness of who I am, who I want to be and how I want to live. As the sun’s warmth is streaming through the window and brightening my world I breathe in the scent of these incredible white flowers on the table next to me. The simple actions we take in our everyday lives can mean so much to the people we interact with. These were a gift of Pure Love and I’m am so incredibly Thankful for the person who gave them to me. I wish I had the words to convey how truly blessed I feel.

Gratitude

Feel the love!
Feel the love!

Thank you! I am so very Thankful (Even with this terrible hangover). I’m so grateful that my body will eventually forgive me for abusing it like I did yesterday. I’m thankful for the sudden realization that this behavior is no longer necessary. I’m finished trying to numb the pain, I’m done drowning out the hurtful words and actions. I no longer accept that as reality. It’s quite simple actually to remember now how it feels and know how to change. No more self-medicating, no more excuses, no more wasting time. The only constant is change. Today is a new day.

Today I am going to embody this grateful attitude. I am bursting with Gratitude. I sincerely appreciate all the magic and love I feel from this lifetime. Learning & growing & experiencing, what a fabulous time it is to be alive! I’m so happy to be me, to have so many wonderful people in my life. This universe is amazing and I want to share my Joy. Today I wish for everyone to experience the magic of feeling good, of listening to our hearts and opening our eyes to the beauty that exists when we pay attention to it. It’s within our grasp in each and every moment when we believe. Thank you for opening my eyes, for believing in me, for loving me without question even when I question myself. This world is amazing, I’m so truly thankful and I hope to continue to live with gratitude for each and every moment.